The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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