My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
