It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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