so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
