didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
