I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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