Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
