whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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