Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
