Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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