he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize