OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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