if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
