he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
