i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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