If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
