Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
