Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
