***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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