dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We need to get me chipped asap
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
