oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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