I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
