she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize