I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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