O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
