I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
