You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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