I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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