and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
