If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
