this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
