I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
