I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
