I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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