Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
