then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
