my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
