Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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