I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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