1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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