i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
