my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
