So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
