they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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