remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
