At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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