she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
