I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
