She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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