I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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