It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
