Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize