im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
