Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
