jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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