So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
