My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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