Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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